The Back-Alley God

The sun lowered in the sky, creating a shadowy figure on the autumn leaves that Sue lay on. The shadow resembled a hand growing in size, reaching out the more the sun went down. Sue noticed these details. Sue noticed the patterns of the days. She sat in the park, in a pile of autumn leaves with the journal that her father had made for her. It’s cover was made from wood. It had an engraving of a dead tree snapped in half with orchid flowers growing from the trunk where the tree had broken. Above the orchid flowers was one lone dragonfly. Underneath the tree he had engraved a saying of his, Within the death of nature blooms something to accent the beauty that once was. Sue’s father had disappeared when she was eight. Still, there was no lead to his disappearance. He had vanished like wind after a storm. Every day, she would go to the park because the park is where he would bring her when she was younger. She remembered autumn the most because they would play in the leaves together. It was autumn now and she missed him more than ever.
Sue continued to watch the patterns of the clouds morph into horse like figures and break apart into the sky's population. She got eye level with the ground and watched the ants move through the grass. She dropped leaves in their paths, throwing off their senses. The ants stopped, then instinctively moved around them. Sue noticed little spiders moving around on the surface of the leaves. She started writing: These spiders are more than just spiders, they are artists. They will find their tree that they call home and weave their instinctive patterns from tree branch to tree branch. These spiders are the true artists of the world driven by the instinct of beauty. She noticed the pattern in the brown, yellow and orange leaves and wondered if God had planned these patterns out or if it was just her eyes that saw them.
It was sunset and Sue was losing light. She stood up from the pile of leaves and grabbed her bag from the grass and packed her journal inside. Dark clouds started to move through the sky. Sue had been helping run a late night service at the local church. Tonight, she knew she’d hear, God is the controller of everything. She often wondered what everything meant to everyone else. She wondered if God knew where her father had gone and if God did, did God really care at all? She wondered why she still bothered to go. Never had her time in church ever done anything for her. She thought about time if she wasn’t there. Life didn’t seem like it would be too much different.
Sue took the route she’d normally take to get to church. It began raining so Sue pulled her raincoat from the bag. She put it on, covering her bag and kept walking. People ran down the city sidewalk with their umbrellas in hand, all in a hurry, panting and muttering.
Sue liked the rain. She always noticed the the space in between each droplet. She thought of it like people. The space in between each individual person like there is space between the drops. They are all reaching their destination at different times, in different forms. Sue looked up at a large clock hanging on the side of the brick building. Church was starting soon, so she began pacing herself.
Sue cut through a nearby alleyway to try to get to church quicker. When she turned the corner she came upon a dragonfly fluttering in circles in the rain. This stopped her in her tracks. She thought about the journal her father had made and wondered if this was a sign. The dragonfly had a sincerity to its movement. Its wings fluttered fast but gracefully. Sue imagined what a melody in this creatures head would be like. It would be a calm rhythm accented with a wet melodic sounds. She approached the dragonfly slowly. It didn’t seem to notice her. It continued in its small circular rotation. When she got close enough she held her left hand out. The dragonfly landed softly like a silent and gentle helicopter on her index finger. With her skinny finger extended out, the dragonfly’s wings stopped fluttering and fell to its side. Sue watched the dragonfly with admiration. She lifted her right hand and stroked the back of the dragonfly with her index and middle finger. She wondered why her father had engraved that one dragonfly on her journal. What could any of this mean? It began fluttering away from her finger towards the sidewalk. Sue ran after it.
Sue ran through the rain down the sidewalk. The sidewalk was desolate. It was only her and the dragonfly. Sue kept her eye on the insect. After a few blocks, the dragonfly turned onto the street of the church. Sue saw the little white building with its’ dim lights. Suddenly, the dragonfly turned into an alleyway of an abandoned building.
The dragonfly flew behind a wall and landed on a dumpster. Sue turned the corner and came upon a man on his knees with blood trailing down his chin. There was a vile stench. Sue screamed and propped herself against the brick wall. The mans hands were covered in blood along with his shirt. Another man lay naked on his back covered in blood. Surrounding the two men were orchid flowers. The man on the ground had chunks of flesh missing from his arms and legs. He was obviously dead with the color of his pale complexion and his jaw hanging open. Sue stayed propped up against the wall with her hands over her mouth, panting. The rain was flushing the blood into a nearby drain on the ground. The man on his knees looked up at Sue. He made eye contact with her but continued on delicately eating a little chunk of flesh. Sue asked frightened, What have you done?
The man looked up again but continued on with his ritual. Something kept Sue there, glued against the wall, scared and helpless. She looked at the dragonfly calmly sitting on the dumpster and looked back at the man.
I have done no harm here.
A long silence grew between the two. The man remained on his knees and Sue against the wall. Their eyes locked.
This man now lives inside of me. The man spoke with a very convincing tone.
Sues’ eyes were stuck on the dead man lying on his back. His mouth had became a fountain of water. With his mouth open, the rain filled it up and slowly it drained out.
What have you done?
Sue placed her face in her hands and felt a pain in her stomach.
You see Sue, I’m God.
Sue couldn’t say a word.
Your eyes morph the world into the way you want to see inside. Inside me is a vast landscape. It’s where everything you’ve ever wanted...he paused and rose from his knees...comes true.
Sue’s muscles were frozen along with her stare.
In a frightened tone she asked, Who the hell are you?
God smiled while he paced back in forth around the man on the ground.
Your father writes about you a lot.
Sue’s mouth opened a little. Against the wall she sat in silence. She listened to the soothing sound of the rain hitting the ground. The thought of her father and God all overwhelmed her. She slid her body down the wall, resting on the wet ground. The rain beat down on her. Sue felt more weak and vulnerable than she had ever before.
God picked up an orchid flower and began skimming the dead man lying on the ground with the flower. He started from his feet and moved up his legs to the end of his nose.
Sue watched him. She watched how delicate he was. This could be the truth. The rain grew lighter and the dead man’s mouth became less full. After a long silence between them, in a soft tone she asked, What does he write about me?
Your hair. The way your curling burnt sienna hair rocked with the arms of autumns wind. The smile you gave when he told you a joke. He felt a wind blow through him every time.
This made Sue smile. She hadn’t smiled in a long time. And then a thought rose in her head.
Where did he go?
He told me he couldn’t swim any longer out in those waters. He was sick of work, sick of caring. So he went out to the cliff dressed in his business clothes, tossed his suitcase and jumped out into the waters. He told me it was all so beautiful. The moon was full and the clouds were illuminated but then the storm came. The tides got too big for him to handle and the water ate him. It had been dry that week so I had to send the rain.
She looked up at him and began crying.
Didn’t you know he was out there? You had to of known? You could have done something!
Sue and her father had gone out to that cliff. They would watch the stars glisten in the sky. She’d talk about how they were the crystals that kept the sky beautiful. He’d tell her people like her kept them glowing because her beauty brought light to everything.
Sue, He said as he walked over to her, still holding the flower. He got on his knees and placed his right hand on her back, I had to make a sacrifice. If only you could forgive me.
Sue was helplessly weak; sitting against the wall of the alleyway, she wept. She didn’t know what to make of anything. God began to stroke Sues' left cheek, smearing blood with the stroke of his right hand. Sue cried harder. It was the first time she felt that a cry meant anything. God rose from his knees in front of Sue and stuck out his left hand and the dragonfly landed on his index finger. Sue whimpered lightly. Sue picked up the orchid flower from her lap and smelt it. She looked up at God.
What happens now? What do I do?
God inched his hand into the direction of the sky and the dragonfly fluttered away.
He moved his face into hers. With their noses touching and the blood smeared across her face he said, Now Sue, it’s rather simple.
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small mirror. He showed it to her and she saw the reflection of herself.
You start existing again.

Despising Soil: You Were Never the Wind

Inhale that shapeless form of the
air.
It's cold here and the dry
skin of my hands crack.
The wind blows the leaves,
moves all of the trees.
But you never see it. You don't see the wind and it doesn't see you.
It moves across your skin,
moving the tiny hairs of your arm.
It lets you know it is there. It's the effects you see.
A connection so delicate it almost doesn't exist.
You.
You were never the wind.
You were never the
whistling sound of the air
moving through holes of street signs.
That is too subtle.
That is just too kind.

A whisper in my ear from the soothing sounds of the clear sky.
With the stars all lit up in the gap between all of these
evergreen trees and the smoke rising like a slow,
disappearing wave; I understand.
I understand the brightness of the stars.
They want to be seen.
They want to be appreciated for the accent they bring to a desolate night, out in the woods, out where the days are cold and daylight disappears like dirt on your skin.

But you: the dark night with those prehistoric clouds, moving like the soul a shark.
You wouldn't know where to find the words to create a picture for us all.
You couldn't explain the reason of change and unfairness.
The reasons for repetition and greed.
But you condone.
You condone it all and I, yes I have the words to prove it.
A slow spinning carousel in the middle of the woods, rocking and creaking. It rusts and it sings. It sings a song that goes like this, "You, the despising soil, are underneath it all. What you feel is packed together. You were never the soothing sound that nature brings. You are the secret eyes of forest that never do anything."

Here we are, connected to life, but separated and all.
Here I am, breathing, making sense of everything.

All of My Music Here

http://www.mediafire.com/file/yqjunyxduod/The Lowly Ghost.zip